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moving on.

May 29, 2012

As I exited the shower tonight, trudging to my room exhausted, delirious, distant and dripping wet, my roommate inquired about my apparent state of gloom, pointing out that I seem to carry a post-vacation melancholy in the days after any excursion. While I typically interpret this as an attempt to readjust to “life” whatever and wherever that may be at the time, something about my most recent trip has felt different. This time, I returned home with an aura of aloofness and an unaccountable anxiousness that I haven’t had before in Spain.

While these feelings aren’t entirely foreign to me, it’s only recently that I’ve been able to place them. They are the emotions associated with transformation and a response to an approaching change in my life. Much like my students anticipating the arrival of recess and sandwich time, or more significantly the arrival of a summer without school, I am awaiting a change of pace; energy levels are heightened and focus is lost as attentions are drawn elsewhere.

Despite the fact that there are still two weeks left in my contract in Spain, mentally and emotionally I am distracted. My restlessness in school has intensified and I find myself doodling, daydreaming, and lost in the hallways more often than ever. My patience is waning for things I once found silly or endearing and I find myself stressed and irritated over insignificant issues. It’s time to give in to the signals.

For many in my program, summer vacation arrangements have been made, flights home have been booked, and bags have been packed. A place that once felt like home is again starting to feel unfamiliar as we are all moving forward into the future: each in a different direction, each on a new adventure. For me, the next step is Portugal. A summer in Lisbon holds promise; it’s a city in need of exploring and I’ve got three months to give my heart away to somewhere new.

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